Short Mel Service

I have taken to stealing crackers with cream cheese on them now. They taste best when smuggled past someone else's open office door.

A woman who looked just like Cher just walked past!

I am so sick of looking like a dickhead because things I organise are delayed or cancelled. People only have so much good faith, and I am sick of exhausting it.

This apple is a lovely surprise! It's all yellowed, so I was expecting it to be floury and gross, but it's crisp and sweet!

Holy crap, it's pissing down! Makes me glad to be indoors. Now for a cosy cup of tea.

Is there a Jewish hipster mag called Oyster? If not you should start it.

Cardigan sounds like an Irish surname, don't you think? I discovered this just now when saying in a hokey Irish accent, "Whar's me cardigan?"

An old Asian lady on the tram just offered me a seat. I think she thought I was pregnant! So humiliated.