Short Mel Service

Is it like a company rule that every Brown Gouge dry cleaner has to have a daggy old wedding dress on display in the window?

Bracksy was a bit of a honey in his younger days!

Would it be too damning to say that the singer in a particular Melb band "makes Ian Curtis sound like Pavarotti"?

I just saw a poster of Marilyn Manson and someone had graffitied 666 on his forehead, which struck me as really retarded.

And now I'm @ blue train about to have eggs benedict and coffee. Best morning evz!

I'm on the Garden City bus! Even though I'm only going to work and not Garden City, it is the most exciting morning I've had in ages!

Someone has to unmask The Gossip as a lame fraud. They're being played @ this DJ night I'm at now.

The thing about DJing is the explosion of awesome when the crowd gets each track. I'm @ an indie night @ a Sydney pub.

Hey, remember that night we saw that dude who said his girlfriend cheated on him with his mate? I'm pretty sure I just saw the same guy with a smackie-looking chick, saying he needed cash for an epilepsy script.

There's a busking act in the Bourke St mall that reminds me of the Bulgarian act from Eurovision. Massive drums and shrieking over techno beats!

I just found the weirdest object on my bedroom floor - a guitar pick folded into a sticker about subwoofers. No idea how it got there. It seems portentous.

My blouse is blowing in the wind. I feel like I'm in a power ballad video!

Club X is advertising its 'Ram Lounge' as "revamped thrusting fun". It strikes me as odd that they'd use the word 'thrusting'.

I just saw a guy who looked just like the young Dennis Quaid!

Teen girl on train: "I only just worked out what 'you jerked off on my toast' meant this year."

The restaurant we're having the wedding reception in has an open kitchen - like in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Hopefully we'll all be swearing like motherfuckers soon.

Overheard on Sydney train: teen hoochie talking about some dance movie. "It was full sick but it was also ill."

I'm at the Melb premiere of the all-male Swan Lake and I've already spotted Dannii Minogue and David from Big Brother!!

Mik Grigg's irritating column wasn't in Sunday's paper! But last week: footballer's girlfriend says Bali is her fav place "in the whole world, I've been 10 times"!

The new Chili Peppers song blows so unbelievably hard it makes John Butler look funky. How did they come to this?

I just thought of a swimming-themed lesbian porno called Lap It Up. Think of the breaststroke possibilities!

Do birds sing because they are happy, because they have something to say, or because they feel that's what they ought to be doing right now?

The smoothness of a spoon slipping through your mouth as you slide the food off is really satisfying.

A sign on a bench at melb central station warns the seat is 'loose and dangerous'. Sounds like a pulp novel!

Imagine how noisy it would have been back in the day, with horses being all the traffic.

It's so satisfying when you pick up your opened can of drink and it's still heavy. There's still drinking left to look forward to.

I'm nuts about !!!'s album Myth Takes. It takes me back to the sheer euphoria I felt watching them right down the front at Golden Plains. It makes me feel like a hero.

Today I felt so fiercely glad to be alive, so joyfully bewildered to be occupying my body, smelling and seeing and feeling and being in the world.

Just went to a bar toilet and was handed a wheel of toilet paper like a wheel of cheese. Wtf am I meant to do with this massive wheel of toilet paper?

I think Rowan Atkinson should retire the Mr Bean character. It's getting tired.

I'm at trivia and it's an entire round about masturbation songs. The whole pub is currently singing along to "I Touch Myself".

I'm in Pellegrini's and if Rose Byrne isn't sitting next to me on the bar, it's a girl who looks astonishingly like her!

Ew, I finally heard my housemate and his girlfriend having sex. God, I can still hear it in my room with the door closed. I had to put on music myself!

I just saw a guy who looked like Daniel Craig... in 30 years and with a moustache.

I love the quietness after having cried hysterically. It's almost like post-orgasm quietness. You feel wrung out.

I just saw a guy who looked like the dirt Skeet Ulrich! He was quite hott in an ex-private school garage band way.